It has been quite awhile since I have blogged.  I was experiencing blog block…or blog denial, blog abandonement. Then my friend Char sent me a message to write something because she was bored.  hahaha.

Well…here goes.  These past two months have been the most unsettling 60 days of my life.  My mantra all of this time has been “1000 people want to trade places with you right now.” A man I used to date years ago told me about this saying and I should think about it when I thought I was having it very rough.  Right before my birthday, I received the results of my pap smear.  Unfortunately,  the test was positive.  I lost it because it has been a year and a half since my partial hysterectomy.  Crap!  Back into the hospital.  I made an appointment to go back in to see my physician to get a biopsy done.  I did not get in to see her until a month later which was November 2nd.  I had a coloscopy done which is where the vaginal walls and the cervix are dyed with a solution of vinegar and iodine.  Those two combined are unpleasant…I would compare it to having an alkaseltzer tablet dissolving up there plus itchy.  OK…I kind of can joke about it now.  I didn’t hear from my doctor for a week and a half and figured that no news is good news.  She informed me that I am going to need surgery because the region where my vagina joins my cervix has abnormal cells.  She referred me to a surgeon who is supposed to be outstanding in his field.  I know one of his patients and she thinks he is awesome.  The day of the appointment arrived.  I have never been so nervous and miserable in my life.  I took the day of from work because I decided that if I was going to have a meltdown it would be in private.  It turns out that he is a nice, friendly man.  His nurse put me off because when she was going to take my blood pressure she jokingly said, “I am going to check if you are happy to see us.” To which I replied, “If that is what you are going to measure, then don’t waste your time because I am not happy to see you.” She took my blood pressure and remarked, “Oh, you are not happy to see us.” Biatch.  The surgeon came in and we talked about the different options that I might have for surgery.  One is a simple, outpatient procedure, where a lasar is used to plane an area of the vaginal walls, another would entail a laproscopy to remove my cervix, and it this wasen’t possible, then it would be back to the horizontal incision.  The first option would require me to stay home from work that afternoon, the second, I would need two weeks off, and the third it would be six weeks again.  We also talked about complications that I had during my last surgery which was excessive bleeding due to the surgeon cutting an artery that she did not see. There was a fibroid attached to the artery.  Also, the artery runs through my cervix.  After that surgery, my surgeon came to let me know that she had some difficulties and that I had lost a lot of blood.   This guy tried to joke a little bit about it saying that it can get very messy with blood all over the place but he has had this happen before and it is no big deal.  However, he was a little concerned because my other surgeon is an excellent surgeon and she had a hard time.  Uhhh…I didn’t think he was amusing.  After this conversation, he examined me, and decided to do a biopsy of my cervix.  Once again, that freaking dye, and then he scraped my cervix in order to collect some cells.  I experienced some sharp cramps that made me wish I could practice a biopsy on him.   I won’t know get the results of this analysis until the 18th of this month. So a bit more waiting.  I just hope it is the simple procedure.

As if this were not enough.  This week, an organization on the campus where I teach invited  Chris Simcox, the founder of the Minutemen Civil Defense organization to come on campus to speak about imigration issues and how his group protects the borders of our country.  It was very tense for the majority of the week on campus.  This event upset Latino students and students who support them very much.  I attended the talk.  The majority of the audience was against the presence of this individual on campus.  Besides the students who organized this event, very few members of the community who support this organization where present.  Nevertheless, his talk managed to stir up some feelings of frustration and anger in all who attended.  At first, Simcox began his talk as if he were in favor of protecting undocumented individuals and that they should be enabled to come to the United States but under a secure plan.  He also went on to criticize the Bush administration for not being pro-active in addressing imigration issues.  When things started to get heated up was during his closing statements where he indicated that there should be one language, one flag and that immigrants should “assimilate to the dominant culture.” For this last part, he used Theodore Roosevelt’s speech which was given in 1907 to base last comments.  What got the majority of the audience going was that “one language” part.  A heated question and answer period ensued that resulted in Latino students walking out.  That ended the talk right there.  I got up to walk to the exit where students were filing out and some man called me a “Mexican Nazi.”  He had been harassing everyone of Mexican descent who walked by him, except he yelled that at me a bit too loud.  I had to start laughing because I have never heard that term nor had I been called something so ridiculous. But, what affected me the most is how angry he was and that he was determined to piss me off.  He managed to enfuriate a friend of mine to the point where they were about to go to blows, but a policeman told them to stop arguing. This man started to give me a history lesson on how Mexico had oppressed indigenous peoples throughout the centuries, and I told him that I agreed. That must of made him mad because he went back to arguing with my friend.

Another thing that has been bothering me about this event is that when I went into the salon where it was being held, I decided to sit in back.  I had the intention of leaving early.  What happened is about nine members of the community sat around me and after awhile it was very clear that they were in favor of the speaker.  They started making comments amongst themselves such as ” We move from California to get away from this and look now, we are surrounded by them.” Oh hell, I was on of them.   They made other ridiculous comments that are just too stupid to mention.  This affected me because it has been several years since I had been exposed to racist comments such as this.  I felt so uncomfortable and then so angry because I was sitting in the midst of them and I did not say something.  Why?  Because, truthfully, I was afraid.  These individuals made these comments as if they were talking about the weather.  I began to think what it would be like to be the only person of my ethnic background and have to live amongst people who held these opinions of Mexicans.  I also think about how lucky I have been.  When I moved to Idaho, I had been somewhat nervous about how I would be treated. I have had some problems, but mostly it was because of ignorance rather than open racism. I became very comfortable or maybe too comfortable in my environment.  Damn, I feel like I did when I moved here.  I am revisiting that old saying “one step forward, two steps back.”   OK…there are 1000 people who want to trade places with me right now.  Honestly, I know that there are people who have it worse off than I do and my heart goes out to them.